What is positive parenting?

Parenting  in brief

When I talk about raising my kids, I always joke that I've lost the user's manual for dealing with these kids. Unfortunately, we get our children, the greatest gift from God, without a user manual, which makes dealing with them very difficult.

Especially if we are subject to scrutiny and judgment from those around us, every mom must, at some point in her motherhood journey, hear about the achievements and victories of the mothers who came before her. Moms attempt to escape these judgments, so they pick up their phones to browse social media, where they find beautiful content about mothers who faced difficulties and triumphed, while their homes were tidy, their children were happy, and they looked like movie stars! More frustration and feeling of failure! What to do? Resorting to science and experts to find solutions inspired by positive parenting concepts, which I will explain below.

What is positive parenting?

Parenting experts at Penn State University summarize positive parenting  as:

“The ongoing relationship between parents and children includes care, parenting, communication, and continuous and unconditional provision of the child’s needs, as well as love, empathy, empowerment, nurturing, and guidance.”

Positive parenting techniques can help parents set clear guidelines and expectations for their children. Through communication and guidance, children learn boundaries and expectations while understanding the consequences of their actions.

A misconception about positive parenting may be that it is too permissive. However, through such parenting, parents use clearly defined rules and guidelines to implement their expectations of their children while still consistently meeting their needs.

Benefits of positive parenting

• It prepares children for success.
• Research has shown positive parenting improves children's school performance, reduces behavioral problems, and enhances mental health.
• Neuroscientists have discovered that it contributes to improved functioning of brain areas associated with emotions and cognition during the teenage years.
• Harvard scientists have found that it has long-term benefits, including improved relationships, mental health, and well-being throughout adulthood.

Positive and modern parenting techniques

1| Establish clear boundaries

Every family needs rules, including morals and ethical, health, rules, and boundaries. After you agree with your husband on this code of conduct, explain it to your children in a way that suits their age. For example, your family's regulations may include not consuming processed foods and soft drinks and not watching any inappropriate content, explain this to your kids and implement it.

2| Set Consequences

There must be clear consequences when not adhering to agreed-upon boundaries and rules, consequences, not punishment. The result must be linked to the action and not to the child. One of the foundations of positive parenting is parenting with love. Parents need to continue to love their children even if they hate their behavior. Negative feelings must be only directed towards action and behavior, not the child or teenager.

3| Consistancy

Even if you compromise once or twice a year and feed your family fast food meals with soft drinks, there are always exceptions and exceptional cases in life. However, consistency and a precise routine are essential for parenting success.

4| Self-care

You and your husband need to be aware that before you are a mom and dad, you are a couple, and it is essential for each of you to take care of yourself and each other before you take care of your children. No, this is not selfishness; according to parenting experts, it is one of the basics of any positive parenting. He who lacks something does not give it! So put your oxygen mask on before you save the others. 

5| communication

Positive communication is one of the pillars of happy families. Talk to your children, tell them about your day, listen to them, and encourage them to tell you anything. Make sure you are their haven, and give them a feeling of trust so they can talk to you constantly.

6| Choose your battles carefully

Dealing with children and teenagers is complicated, and realizing that your children have independent personalities is essential. Encourage them to grow like a fruitful tree, trim their branches, but do not stop their growth. Get used to not rejecting everything. Stick to the moral and religious basics and leave room for negotiation for other things. If your child wants to wear unmatching colors, or you do not like his clothes, but he insists on wearing them, do not insist on refusing. Tell him that you prefer his other clothes. Or the other set looks nicer than this one, but if he insists,  get used to giving in sometimes. But if he insists on attending a party that ends after midnight, stick to your refusal and do not give in to the tears and the victim-role monologue that all teenagers are good at. Let your son grow his hair long, if his school doesn't mind, but insist that he wear the school uniform daily to reinforce his commitment to the rules.

7| Know the reason behind negative behavior

Do not label your child and say, “My son is stubborn,” “My daughter is very sensitive,” “She does not listen to me, or “My son does not like to study, and he does not excel academically.” When you see any negative behavior, tell your daughter or son that this behavior is unacceptable and that there are consequences. Then, find out if there is a reason behind this behavior, especially if it is unprecedented. Your child may be jealous of the new baby, he may be being bullied, or you may have made a mistake that affected his feelings negatively. Talk to your child, and try to find the reason and solutions. Seek help from specialists if necessary, as parenting is not easy, and you need guidance and advice from parenting experts.

8| Be a good role model

You are the mirror of your children and their role models in everything, so be a role model with your behavior, skills, and actions. Do not force your child to practice a particular sport while you sit on the couch all day. Don't tell them to stop eating healthy foods when you're eating three chocolate bars a day! Do not talk to them about the importance of honesty and not lying while lying to your manager at work; when you miss work without excuse. The most successful parenting is parenting by imitation. Behave the way you want your children to behave.

9| Give unconditional love

Be careful not to put any condition or restriction on your love to your child . In this cruel world, your son or daughter may not find love and affection except from you and your husband. Do not be afraid; there is no such thing as too many of hugs or kisses, and there is no restriction on repeating the words “I love you, I am proud of you.” Or I am here for you, kiss them excessively, hug them, and tell them you love them in every way possible.

Conclusion

Parenting is not easy, and every child is different from the other; even siblings are not the same. You are different from other mothers and do not believe everything you see on social media. And remember that in the eyes of your children, you are the best mother in the world.