Managing Challenges Faced by Working Mothers

The trap of being a modern woman

While feminist movements have worked hard for decades to liberate women from domestic violence and prejudice and encourage women's education and the pursuit of financial independence, these movements have intentionally or unintentionally trapped contemporary women and made her spin in what I like to call the “blender” that spins so fast that we can’t see what’s inside.

“Women’s empowerment” requires the modern woman to work and start a family to achieve social balance while spinning in this blender around family, work, and the constant pursuit of professional and educational development.

 Today, women must be financially independent, climb the career ladder as quickly as men, or be entrepreneurs. They must also be ideal mothers and loving wives who care for their husbands while maintaining perfect weight, clear skin, and the best health.

The truth is that modern women are spinning in a blender, not knowing what mixture will result as all the ingredients are mixed. What is sure is that they are exhausted and facing many challenges.

Emotional challenges facing a working mother

1| Feeling guilty

Working mothers and guilt go hand in hand, even if you don’t admit it to yourself. If you don’t feel guilty about your children and your preoccupation with your work, or if you don’t feel guilty about your husband, who was once your partner, lover, and companion and suddenly moved to third and sometimes fourth place on your priority list after children, work and professional development, you will inevitably feel guilty about your job.

No matter how much social media platforms and LinkedIn accounts portray the working woman as a super mom who can achieve a balance between all the elements of her life, this perfect balance is impossible!

When your son gets sick, he will outweigh your work and marriage. When your husband needs you to support him because he is going through a crisis, he will outweigh the kids and the job. When you face a deadline at work, you will outweigh the job until you hand in your assignments.

So do not feel guilty towards your children because you work, and do not feel guilty towards your work because you are a mother and a wife. Do what you can and try to find an equation that suits your work and the circumstances of your family life, and do not submit to ready-made molds when you can choose.

2| Burnout

The stress pandemic, long working hours, and long commuting to and from work are physically and mentally exhausting. The responsibilities of motherhood with raising children and taking care of their physical and emotional health, following up on their studies, spending quality time with them, and taking care of their studies and extracurricular activities add to the mother's exhaustion from her work. Add to all this the effort that falls on her as a wife, just as it falls on the husband to invest in this marriage. Human relationships, including marriages, require investment, effort, feelings, time, and attention. All these requirements and the almost constant sense of guilt will inevitably cause burnout for the working mother.

Studies have shown that women, especially mothers, are more susceptible than others to mental and professional burnout. Therefore, to avoid burnout, it is essential to ask for help, delegate some tasks, not strive for perfection and false idealism, manage your time, effort, and feelings, and focus on self-care as much as possible.

3| Feeling lonely

A working mother feels lonely, even when is surrounded by dozens of colleagues. Often, there is nothing in common between us and our co-workers. And because of the fast pace of work, we cannot even spend quality time getting to know them or participating in social activities with them.

Working mothers also feel alone among other mothers, whether they are working or not. Every woman has a different work model and job, and women often get caught up in a vicious cycle of judgment, jealousy, and misconceptions about each other.

Working women often think that stay-at-home moms are helpless, oppressed, stay at home all the time, and do not do anything useful. In fact, a stay-at-home mom is devoted to the most extraordinary mission if she does it correctly: raising future generations. On the other hand, stay-at-home moms think that working moms are selfish and negligent and leave their children in the housemaid's care. A working mom longs to be with her children at every moment and takes care of them while she is away more than some mothers who stay home.

To overcome loneliness, a woman must have a support circle of understanding and supportive friends, whether they are working or not. My friends are an essential source of support in my life. I have carefully selected them over many years, and I consider them precious treasures that I have been able to save.

Professional challenges facing working mothers

1| Inflexibility

A working mother needs flexible working hours; she must come a little later in the morning to take her children to school or sit quietly with them at the breakfast table. She should be able to go home early to spend more time with her husband and children. And to have time to finish her other tasks before midnight. She also needs a hybrid schedule option to work in her pajamas, even twice a week!

Let's move from equality to equity; we cannot equate a woman who has motherhood duties and who breastfeeds with a man who, most of the time, does not have to do much after work. And who certainly will not breastfeed, nor does he need to rest his swollen legs due to pregnancy!

2| Inequity

Another trap that modern women fall into is the trap of equality with men. Why should I be equal to a man while I do much more than him?! We need equity and justice to raise women’s salaries to match their academic qualifications and professional experience. Taking into consideration that this employee is also a mother and a wife when considering candidates for a promotion and not limiting promotions and career advancement opportunities to men and those who are not mothers, as if there is a punishment for the woman who chose to have a family.

3| Lack of support

Most employers do not support working mothers and barely provide the rights the labor law guarantees. There is no flexibility in working hours or work-from-home options, and there is no support through providing childcare at work.

Solutions and ideas

These solutions may not be for everyone, but here they are anyway:

• You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Listen to your heart, think well, and don't pressure yourself to fit into the pre-made molds for women. You do not make these molds, so they don't necessarily suit you.
• Quality time with your children, love, support, and care are more important than being with them full time, so make sure that every time you spend with them is quality time, create memories for them, and be present in their lives even when you are away.
• There is nothing wrong with taking maternity leave that lasts for years! Even if the labor law only gives you months, if you want to take a career break and devote yourself to your family for a few years, do not hesitate to see if you can afford it financially.
• During my 20 years as a mom, I stopped working several times, each time for years, to be with my children and by my husband’s side, and I did not regret these breaks for a moment.
• Take care of your marriage, speak your husband’s love language, and teach him your language. Being a wife and having a stable marriage full of love and compassion does not conflict with empowering women and being a strong and independent woman.
• If remote work suits your career, go for it, even if it delays your promotion by a few years. Years of work can be made up for, but childhood years will go by in the blink of an eye. I remember dropping my kids off at daycare, then blinking to see them in college! But I was always present in their lives, which matters the most.
• Demand flexible work options, hybrid work, fewer hours, and be a pioneer. Perhaps the movement to liberate the working mother from all her burdens will be due to your and other women's efforts and demands.
• Take care of your physical and mental health. If you get sick from exhaustion and stress, your manager will look for a replacement for you on the same day!

Final thoughts,

The image of the ideal woman, who works a prestigious full-time job, is at the same time an ideal mother, has a perfect marriage, is not tired, and is not stressed, is a false image promoted by social media influencers, which has exhausted women even more than they are. Don't look at these images; make a photo album that suits you; after all, this is your life and story; write it as you like.

Check out Steps to Help Moms Return to Work