How I Survived Insanity in The Moms Groups!

What is a moms’ group?

After buying school bags, stationery, and books and paying school fees, mothers rush to search for a WhatsApp group for mothers of their children’s classmates at the beginning of the school year. There is usually a mothers’ group for each class and a group for all the sections in that grade. In some schools, there is even a group for mothers of all students! The child's class and section group are often the first reference for many mothers, especially busy and working mothers. The group reminds mothers of important events such as school tests, homework due dates, trips, and special events.

The group may be more active on certain days, such as at the beginning of the semester and during exams. You may find different messages, from Good Morning, blessed Friday, and Happy New Year to jokes and emotional clips. There are often constructive discussions about school curricula, international programs, and their comparison with the national program, up to university admission applications, and university majors, of course, when kids go beyond the tenth grade.

Sometimes, discussions turn into online fights, especially those that start with the loaded question: Who is the mother of so-and-so? The background of this question is usually a fight between kids at school that soon becomes a mom’s fight on WhatsApp!

The reason for the argument may also be a difference in views about a particular teacher, the curriculum, or any other social or life issue.

Benefits of mommy groups

• Meet other mothers and organize meetups and play dates for the children.
• Find out if something significant happened to your child at school, especially if your child is secretive and does not share everything with you openly.
• View mothers' opinions about teachers, school, and activities.
• Exchange of experiences and information.
• Create new friendships with mothers with shared experiences.

My story with the moms' groups

I am a mother of three who were once children, and during their school years, which extends for more than fifteen years, I have joined dozens of moms’ groups in different countries, in schools with diverse curricula, and the bottom line is: they are all the same and may drive you crazy!

During my time in these groups, I met wonderful mothers, and our children were bonded as classmates and friends. We have maintained a friendship that has continued for years. I received answers to many of my questions and valuable advice from people who are more experienced and older than me. I also contributed to constructive discussions and shared my experiences on several occasions.

So, how does the mommy group drive you crazy?

In each group, several characters are repeated with different names. They are not the same mother, but they are the same character. The following are the most common characters in moms’ groups:

The constantly worried

Good morning, moms! I'm worried about the Arabic exam—it's tough! I'm concerned about the trip—it's very far away! It's raining heavily outside, and I'm worried about the kids attending school!

She sends messages like this several times a day about things that are worth worrying about and mostly not. She cannot be reassured in any way, but on the contrary, trying to reassure her sometimes may reveal a new source of anxiety to her.

This mom shined during the COVID-19 pandemic. She was worried about distance learning but became more anxious when the children returned to face-to-face learning.

The unpleasable

The one who criticizes everything. She is impossible to please. She objects to the abundance and scarcity of homework, the strictness of the teachers and their leniency, and her son's high grades just as she objects to his low grades. It is impossible to please this mother with anyone or anything.

The nerd

Good morning, mothers. I have summarized the science exam material for you, and here is the forty-page file I am putting in your hands! (True story.)

This woman thinks she is the student, and because of her keenness and interference in her child’s studies, she studies and memorizes the curriculum. She reminds mothers about the exam date a week before and brags that her son has started studying since today! She usually shines during the exam period and submits homework and school projects, most of which she does on behalf of her child.

The lunch box artist

There are no less than a thousand pictures in each of the mothers' groups, half of which are pictures of the lunch box prepared by this artistic mother. She amazes us every day with the artistic painting she sends with her child to school, while ordinary mothers put some fruits, vegetables, and a labneh or a zaatar sandwich in our children's lunch boxes!

The funny one

The group's highlight is that she shares jokes, laughs at any situation, and highlights the positive side of anything and everything. She is usually generous and kind-hearted, and we become close friends.

The Encyclopedia

The know-it-all! This encyclopedia of a mother may be specialized, such as having a medical background, so she becomes the group’s doctor. She may be a healthy lifestyle enthusiast, so she becomes the group’s nutritionist or a fashion expert and the fashionista we refer to for everything related to fashion and beauty. There is one who is passionate about education and who becomes the academic advisor for the group.

The absent present

She reads all the messages and never participates; she is there to collect information.

How I Survived The Mommy Group Before I Go Crazy!

Despite the many benefits of mothers' groups on WhatsApp, they have disadvantages, the most important of which are:

Spreading frustration

Making other mothers feel incapable, as not all mothers can prepare a lunch box that looks like a painting, and not all mothers have the time to read every page their child has studied. Children’s abilities also differ, as not everyone has the same level of excellence and achievement.

Misinformation

Just as this information is useful for sharing helpful information and empowering mothers, it is often a tool for transmitting misinformation, such as that a specific curriculum is better than another or that this major is in demand. This one is stagnant, or that this school is the best. Strangely, this misinformation extends across groups, schools, and even countries.

Spreading negativity

Often, mothers who worry too much and those who are impossible to please create a hostile atmosphere among them, making them feel that this school is terrible, while for many mothers, it is the best in terms of cost and proximity to home. Instead of being a support group, it becomes a source of frustration.

So I decided that after my eldest daughter graduated, my son reached the last grades, and my youngest daughter reached middle school, we moved to another country and new schools; I decided not to join any mothers’ groups on WhatsApp, despite their many benefits, but I preferred my peace of mind 😊.

To sum up,

I treasure and feel grateful for my daily friendships with many amazing women I have met through mommy groups. These are the mothers of my daughters’ and my son’s friends, with whom I share the most beautiful experiences and memories. Despite the many benefits I gained from mothers’ groups, there was often an atmosphere of negativity, frustration, and competition that I could no longer tolerate. So, I decided to withdraw.